Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
