i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
