I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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