Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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