so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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