I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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