I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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