I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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