I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize