she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
