i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
