if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
They have beer where we have blood.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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