Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize