Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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