you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
