he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
