Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize