I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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