Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
