I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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