is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
