tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
