Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
