I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
