He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Let the clothes fall where they may.
send nudes
from the living room?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
