grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
