He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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