fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
