Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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