Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
