Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
