you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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