I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize