I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
