I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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