"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
