Dual....:-)
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
