Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
