so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
