shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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