I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
