OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
