Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
