I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
