Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Randomize
