just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize