I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
