My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is Oprah even human
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
