I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
