She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Randomize
