If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
