textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
