i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
