Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
