Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize