I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
