I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
