That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
