girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
