I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
