: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't deserve a penis
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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