he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
