...so i touched it.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
