im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
you never un-have a 4some
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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