p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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