Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
