He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
